Ahead of today’s wild-card matchup between the Seattle Seahawks and the Los Angeles Rams, Governor Jay Inslee made a surprise announcement that he would be updating the state’s COVID-19 guidelines to mandate that Rams All-Pro pass rusher Aaron Donald stay six feet from Russell Wilson at all times.
“After speaking with public health officials, Seahawks coaching staff, and my bookie, I have determined that it’s in the best interest of our community and the Seahawks’ chances of advancing to the divisional round if Aaron Donald remains a healthy distance from #3,” said Governor Inslee, making the announcement from the Governor’s Mansion. “I make this announcement purely in the interest of public health and safety, and it has nothing to do with the fact that there’s going to be an unstoppable 285 pound Terminator relentlessly trying to murder our most important player for four quarters.”
Gov. Inslee’s surprise announcement was welcome news to Seattle sports fans stressing over the upcoming playoff matchup.
“It’s been tough to deal with all the lockdowns and quarantine periods, but this is definitely the kind of social distancing I can get behind,” said Seahawks superfan Brent Colquitt, watching Gov. Inslee’s address on his phone pregame. “With COVID rates spiking, it’s dangerous enough out there. Why take the risk of a human sledgehammer coming to drive your QB into the ground like a fence post? While they’re at it, they should probably mandate that Jalen Ramsey has to stay on the other side of the field away from DK Metcalf too, just to be safe.”
Needling reporters reached out to Coach Pete Carroll, who indicated that they still planned to double-team Donald six feet down the field.
