Seattle dog walking service Rover has today announced it will be expanding its services to provide daily socially distanced walks to attention-starved quarantine shut-ins trapped in their own homes.
“You should see Greg Wilson’s eyes light up when I come walking up the driveway, he just can’t get his Allbirds on fast enough,” said Rover people walker Sam Maron, approaching Wilson’s Greenwood apartment. “With our six foot leashes, we can ensure that we maintain appropriate social distancing while getting these quarantined hermits all tuckered out. We log the time, track your steps with a map of your walk, and will even take a cute photo so you have something besides selfies to put in your futile dating profile. Are you ready to go for walkies Greg Wilson? Who’s a good UX designer? You are!”
The premium service has quickly won over early doubters and has become an overnight sensation with understimulated COVID recluses.
“I was skeptical at first, but now with these dark winter days I just don’t know what I’d do without my daily walk,” said Wilson, pacing his apartment, aimlessly recreating his 12-second commute from bedroom to desk. “I’ve tried walking myself in the past but I can’t tell if it’s day or night anymore, it’s like my entire apartment has turned into one big sensory deprivation chamber. What is time anymore? What’s the difference between breakfast and dinner if they’re both consumed in endless darkness? Thankfully I’m roused from purgatory once a day by Sam when she arrives at ‘Walk O’ Clock.’ Ooh, I hope she brings some of that Jingle Jangle from Trader Joe’s for my treat tomorrow.”
Following the success of the people walking pilot, Rover has announced that it will now be offering on-site grooming for customers that haven’t had a haircut in nine months.
