In a landmark study conducted by the University of Washington, scientists have finally concluded that your third round of refrigerator grazing officially counts as dinner.
“We conducted a thorough double blind study chronicling the grazing habits of thousands of Seattle residents and can definitively say that the three Kalamata olives, torn piece of deli ham and pinch of shredded mozzarella you sprinkled into your mouth rounded out your nutritional requirements for the day,” said Naomi Palmer, researcher for the University of Washington. “Interestingly, our study also concluded that this diet strategy was particularly successful on Sundays, or any day following a heavy night of drinking.”
Following the study’s conclusion, researchers conducted a physical examination of respondents and found that those whose refrigerator light turned on a third time showed the best results.
“We must advise that the third round of refrigerator grazing is crucial to attaining your daily nutritional intake, as our study showed that the first two rounds consisting of a spoonful of peanut butter, six grapes and the leftover Thai food you lied to yourself about bringing in to work for lunch tomorrow was just not sufficient,” continued Palmer. “At the very least, you must hastily make a quesadilla or eat the rest of the Froot Loops even though you don’t quite have enough milk.”
Palmer said her team’s next endeavor was to calculate how many mimosas definitively constitute bottomless.
