Despite COVID-19 being 2020’s second most divisive public figure, the world has united to send its thoughts and prayers to the deadly virus after it has reportedly been infected with Donald Trump.
“Oh god no, it can’t be, I think I’m going to be sick,” said COVID-19, turning pale and throwing up chunks of Spike Glycoprotein S. “It can’t be Donald Trump, surely it’s just a mild case of Melania? Or maybe it’s just some Pence poisoning. It can’t be…oh god, just the thought of that disgusting, sweaty monster coursing through my RNA genome. I’m going to faint.”
While the positive Donald Trump infection results came as a shock to COVID, other viruses were not surprised at the news following reports of COVID’s cavalier attitude towards social distancing.
“We tried to warn COVID that it wasn’t safe to be traveling all over the country, but he just kept hanging around Florida, going to political rallies, and eating at McDonalds like nothing has changed,” said close friend H1N1, tweeting his support for his fellow virus. “President Trump has been afflicting America for four years, COVID should have known better. You spend enough time at McDonalds and sooner or later you’re guaranteed to contract a case of Donald Trump.”
In related news, approval ratings for the world halting pandemic have skyrocketed following the news of the President’s infection.
