After weeks of hoping for improvement came to no avail, avid Wallingford house-plant recruiter Martin Blanc said he made the difficult choice today to bench his living room line-up’s once prized Aloe Brevifolia to a mere toilet decoration.
“I don’t like this anymore than you do, but you put in the work making this porcelain throne look like a dignified place to sit, and we’ll see about getting you back out on the coffee table,” said Martin Blanc, placing the sad succulent next to a decorative candle and a small bowl of seashells. “Hell, if you work hard enough, who knows? Maybe one day you’ll find yourself next to the fiddle leaf in the background of my Zoom calls. Then you’ll be in the ‘fig-leagues.’ Chin up, champ.”
While this wasn’t the first time Blanc had been forced to demote a plant to the noxious territory above his commode, he remained hopeful that the succulent would someday earn itself a more dignified place in his home.
“It’s a sad day when you have to relegate a plant to toilet duty, but he just looked so pathetic next to my Monstera, and didn’t have half the personality of my spider plants, those little scamps,” said Blanc, finding the perfect beam of sunlight to place his jade plant. “They’re all good plants, but after two years it’s like, propagate or get off the pot, you know? Maybe the change in humid bathroom climate will do him some good.”
The succulent was soon joined in the bathroom by an ill-fated zebra plant, sent to complete its rehab after a season-ending stem collapse injury.
