Following the shocking announcement that Mississippi would finally be retiring its controversial Confederacy-themed state flag, Mississippi Governor Reeves announced today that their new flag would be a crumpled Lynyrd Skynyrd T-Shirt he found in his garage.
“Nothing says southern heritage like Lynyrd Skynyrd, and I can assure you that these colors don’t run, cause this thing has already been through the wash a whole bunch of times,” said Mississippi State Governor Ted Reeves, fishing the historic new flag from an old box of clothes in the garage of the Governor’s mansion. “Its frayed edges where the sleeves were cut off symbolize our people’s great resolve in the face of our crumbling infrastructure, the band name’s strange spelling and lack of vowels symbolize the efficacy of our school systems, and this here grease stain was from when it was used as a shop rag. And while there is still a teeny tiny little Confederate flag on it, it would be a grave insult to remove it as it’s an integral part of Lynyrd Skynyrd’s discography ”
While some cheered on the change, other Mississippians were still outraged that the Governor would allow their historic flag to be removed.
“The Confederate battle flag proudly displayed on our state’s flag has always been a part of Mississippi heritage,” said Debra Crowder of the Mississippi Confederate Historical Society. “Now, as usual, some New York Yankee elites want to tell us what to do, how to run our state, and what we can hoist up our flagpoles. Well, I got news for you liberal city slickers: Maybe you want to live in some communist state but down south, freedom is spelled M-i-s-s-i-p-p-i. Wait, hold on. Miss…iss…Oh dang it, you get the idea.”
Following the historic change to the state flag, state officials have begun initial discussions to change the state’s spelling to Free Byrd.
