The peaceful neighborhood of Sesame Street erupted into chaos today as popular muppet Elmo led an anti-lockdown protest to the steps of City Hall demanding that the neighborhood’s Tickle Parlors be reopened to the public.
“Elmo sick and tired of fascist mayor telling Elmo what Elmo can and can’t do,” shrieked the infamous red muppet on the steps of City Hall. “Elmo not been tickled in months, and it Elmo right to be tickled when Elmo want. Elmo believe in small government, and for individual right to choose. Elmo consenting muppet, and bad government can’t dictate when and where Elmo can be tickled. Elmo know that COVID-19 no more than ten times deadly as seasonal yarn-flu, and pandemic just liberal propaganda hoax spread by PBS, and viewers like you.”
While Elmo publicly insisted that his creature comforts supersede the health of essential working class muppets, Mayor Cookie Monster hoped patience and resolve would prevail within the muppet community.
“Me am disappointed with brazen, selfish action of certain muppets that no represent all of muppet kind,” said a solemn Mayor Cookie Monster, wiping a single chocolate chip from his bulbous eye while addressing a colorful assortment of muppet reporters. “You no think Cookie Monster miss wide variety of cookie? You no think Cookie Monster want go enjoy night out eating cookie with family and friends? But me understand gravity of these unprecedented times, and it muppet duty to respond with dignity, resolve, and occasional silly musical number. Me am certain that muppet community can find it in fuzzy hearts to make sacrifice for greater good, and give up creature comfort for well-being of Sesame Street community. After all, friend is something better than cookie – friend is somebody you give up last cookie for. Thank you, and goodnight.”
After being removed from the steps of City Hall, Elmo took to Twitter to unleash a furious tirade claiming that Mayor Cookie Monster was a deep-state muppet secretly puppeted by George Soros.
