The University of Washington’s new Esports arena has found itself mired in controversy following the decision to name it for Bowser, who many with any common sense consider a historic tyrant.
“Of all the things they could have named this arena, they name it for the ‘Butcher of Donut Plains,’” said Kevin Rhodes, spokesperson for Students for Ethical Gaming. ”As if his serial kidnapping and crimes against all of Toad-kind aren’t enough, he runs you off the road all the time in Mario Kart. It’s absolute bullshit how you just bounce off him right into the lava. Name it for Mario, Princess Peach, hell, name it after Luigi for all I care! Okay, maybe not Luigi, but you get the point.”
Though the international community does not officially recognize his title of King Koopa, Bowser has found a few vocal defenders that support his claim to the throne.
“Look, I’m not saying Bowser is a perfect monarch but his rule has brought a lot of stability to the Mushroom Kingdom over the years,” said David Branson, author of Devil in a Pink Dress: Princess Peach and the Deep State Conspiracy. “Princess Peach is no saint herself. What’s she hiding behind all those magical paintings in her castle? She definitely had Daisy killed too, it’s all there in my book. Plus, if Bowser were ever deposed, the power vacuum would destabilize the entire region, from Chocolate Island to Star Road. What? You want to put the Hammer Bros. in charge? Good luck getting those idiots to keep the trains running on time on Dry Dry Railroad.”
Investigations have been launched following reports that large quantities of giant gold coins have been spotted hovering above the ground in the Dean’s office, evidence Rhodes says points to bribery.
“Let’s just say I wouldn’t be surprised if Bowser, Jr. didn’t earn freshman admission here all on his own.”
