Utterly bored by the exponentially higher impact his voting choices would have on his daily life and immediate community in a local municipal election, Seattle voter Patrick Sanderson said he’s much more excited about watching his November vote for President next year mean almost nothing.
“How am I supposed to know or care about any of these city council candidates if they haven’t been on a reality TV show?” asked Sanderson. “Last time I checked, Dan Strauss and Kshama Sawant haven’t even tried to get on Dancing With the Stars.”
Sanderson is among the almost 75 percent of Washington voters who hadn’t submitted a ballot as of Tuesday afternoon, as is typical in non-presidential election years. In contrast, presidential election years usually increase voter turnout in Washington state somewhere near 90 percent.
“There’s just something extra special and exciting about voting for President in a place that hasn’t been a swing state in decades and probably never will be again,” Sanderson said. “But all this hooey about Amazon continuing its takeover of the city, our public transit system getting totally fucked, etc.? Hello: B-O-R-I-N-G.”
At press time, Sanderson was almost ready to post a 500-word rant on how ridiculous and unjust it is that Dancing With the Stars hasn’t voted Sean Spicer off yet.
