Intended as a counterpart to the sugary drink tax, Seattle voters will decide next month whether to approve or reject a tax on LaCroix, also known as the “Shitty Drink Tax.”
“While the sugary drink tax has already offered a great new revenue stream from people who tend to rely on affordable, farm-subsidized calories, we thought it was time to turn to the city’s SoulCycle and Orange Theory crowd for funding, too,” said policymaker Maria Montrose.
Early this morning, Queen Anne Metropolitan Market shopper Christine Probst said she nabbed three cases of a LaCroix flavor that tastes like someone put sparkling water in the same room as a bowl of strawberries for a few hours. If the tax was in effect, an extra $9.84 would have been tacked on to her purchase.
But other fans of shitty soda waters — sold in a variety of natural flavors including ApriNot, Barely There Pear, and Ghost of Pamplemousse Past — welcome the possible price hike.
“I don’t really mind paying more if it goes toward education, homelessness, or defaming and dismissing someone accusing our mayor of child molestation,” said Whole Foods customer Chelsea Winters. “Also, the more money I spend on something, the easier it is to deny how shitty it is–I’m all for it.”
