To allay concerns about SeaTac Mayor Erin Sitterley’s ongoing public support of the white nationalist Trump administration, the city said it was proving its passion for inclusivity today by officially changing its name to SeaTacTukNoBuRentKent.
“The 98118 next to Boeing Field may be the most diverse zip code in the country, but I think we can soundly say that we now have the most municipality-diverse municipality name in the nation,” said Mayor Sitterley, who announced her bid for re-election in May. “So try to call me racist now!”
The announcement was followed by reports that cities whose names did not make the cut were enraged.
“What the hell is this?” cried Olympia, as she wiped a kombucha-stache from her upper lip. “A one-time opportunity to be recognized by a city that is basically the Vatican for our closest regional airport and you skip out on the state’s capitol? Papa Inslee’s home now and I’m telling!”
Vashon Island reacted sourly to the new name, as well.
“Oh, okay, you’re afraid a lack of vaccinations in an international travel hub might be a problem – OooOoo scary,” said Vashon between axe chops into some backyard lumber. “With Trump’s nativist policies, I don’t even know why you’re worried about it. But you do you, SeaTac. You do you.”
Perhaps most upset was nearby Federal Way.
“You know more than anyone what it’s like to have a shitty name,” said the tearful South Sound city. “We’re named after a street with a super-shitty name of its own. Fuck you, SeaTacTukNoBuRentKent, fuck you!”
