WatR, a new startup described as Rover for house plants, is being hailed an overnight success for overwhelmed millennials struggling to provide the absolute bare minimum of care for a living being.
“WatR’s certified plant technicians enter your home to water your neglected plants, blow-dry your overwatered succulents, and make sure your creepy air-plant hasn’t climbed out of its terrarium again,” said Beth Anderson, WatR’s Founder and CEO. “And, God forbid you have pets, they’ll probably check on them too because, Jesus Christ, Steven, are you even trying? I’ve seen more hospitable environments in grainy footage beamed to Earth from the Mars Rover (may he rest in peace).”
Steven Sadler, subscriber to WatR’s Gushing Geyser premium tier, raves about the unique service’s ability to extend the shelf life of his prized living novelties.
“I tried everything in the past and I just couldn’t keep the darn things alive,” Sadler said. “I tried forgetting about them, I tried buying new ones when the old ones died, I tried painting them green, I even dabbled in slash and burn agriculture.”
Now he says the days of his friends referring to him as Black Thumb Steven, Reaper of Begonias and Harbinger of the Death of Springs are long gone.
“I’m just grateful that WatR has provided me a way to throw my money at a solution that I could easily address with a modicum of personal accountability.”
