A remote Eastern Washington militia is crestfallen after failing to persuade a single Republican Oregon state senator to valiantly run shrieking to their compound to courageously shirk off their sworn responsibilities and heroically betray their constituents.
“We got a heck of a rumpus room, we got a domestic beer fridge next to the domestic gun fridge, our Right to be White Poetry Slam is always a big hit,” lamented Jared Cooper Dale, sworn leader of the long standing Tough But Fair Boys Militia. “I just don’t know where we’re going wrong.”
A few members who asked not to be named say it may be because their roadside Trump signs aren’t as big as some of the other militias’ in Idaho, Montana and Wyoming.
Bobby Jack Carson, the resident Master-at-Arms, shares his leader’s concerns but remains optimistic that the historic moral feebleness of our nation’s politicians will once again prevail.
“We have faith that the continued and exemplary cowardice of the current regime will eventually lead them scurrying proudly to our corrugated steel doors,” Carson assured. “These senators’ patriotic duty is and always has been clear: At all costs, doom our children to a poisonous climate-induced death in exchange for the fleeting riches of today.”
