While driving onto the broad girth of Interstate 5 above South Lake Union this morning, an unidentified working mother merged unexpectedly into the fast lane and — for reasons still under investigation — gunned it an five extra miles per hour.
As the silver Subaru hurtled forward at a total speed of 65 mph, an entire 5 mph above the speed limit, old report cards and homework in the passenger seat were reportedly slapped from the front to the back with reckless abandon.
“She was coming too close for comfort,” said Sean Whidbey, 26, who claimed she was tailgating him.
Onlookers reported windows rolling down and wind wildly whipping through the mother’s hair as she released it from a hair band allegedly found behind a toilet last night after bath time.
Witnesses couldn’t agree on the words she was mouthing to a sick beat, although several claimed they heard her asking herself “How do you want it?”
Suspicions could not be confirmed after the woman quickly raised her windows in Downtown Seattle traffic, scooped her hair back into a ponytail, and proceeded to act as if nothing had happened.
Asked by witnesses if and how she does, in fact, want it, the woman apparently had no comment.
