Doctors have successfully removed a record two pounds of glistening white sand from a Seattle woman after she returned from her family vacation to Mexico.
For two weeks, Seattle mother Celine Jefferson’s attempts to tell her family that no, she really did actually have a mountain of sand lodged in her vagina, fell on deaf ears.
“It seemed like just a normal vacation,” said her 14-year-old son, Jimmy Jefferson. “We were all screaming at the top of our lungs places we wanted to go for dinner while mom fruitlessly tried to say something over the top of us.”
“Mom’s always cranky on vacation,” said her daughter Sally Jefferson, 5. “Dad said she was just on her period. What does that mean?”
It wasn’t until they returned home and Jefferson saw a gynecologist that her family finally realized the cause of her distress was real.
“I must have said it ten dozen times and they thought it was just some tired expression!” said Jefferson. “How many ways you can say SAND-IN-VAGINA before somebody will listen?”
As news of Jefferson’s affliction spread, a small sand dune could be seen cresting atop the horizon as the air hummed with a unified sigh of relief.
