A group of hook-toothed crones hurled hexes and boiled goat entrails in a cauldron outside Seattle City Council chambers on Tuesday to protest proposed legislation banning the use of candy construction materials in backyard cottages.
“Think of the children and their young, supple flesh,” Tabitha Gorgonmother screeched as security dragged her out of council chambers.
Outside City Hall, a woman who would only identify herself as The Grand Valeratrix murmured an incantation while painting ominous-looking hieroglyphs in black oil on the sidewalk.
Proponents of the law say it will curb the city’s rodent population while reducing childhood diabetes and mysterious disappearances. Gorgonmother and her coven counter the new law unfairly requires the use of a high-cost materials in new construction and discriminates against those who sustain themselves on the life force of the young.
“We would have perished from this earth eons ago were it not for the bounty of sweet little children bestowed upon us by our Lord Baphomet,” Gorgonmother told this reporter while picking a piece of pink meat from her teeth. “Where will little trails of bread crumbs lead now?”
