After revealing a slate of exciting new menu items including a Washington State Ferry food tray Tuesday, the Mariners are reportedly still too nervous to hit publish on their Randy-Dumper Beef Bowl promotion.
“Look, we know it’ll be as big of a hit as the ferry boatload of food tray to really play up this alleged beef between Cal Raleigh and Randy Arozarena, but maybe it’s not worth it,” said Mariners Marketing Director Chris Mankin as his finger hovered above his keyboard. “On the other hand, if we don’t prioritize selling food packaged in a really fun, media attention-grabbing way above actually getting this team to the World Series some day, are we even really the Mariners anymore?”
Just as Mankin was about to hit publish, he was ordered to stand down.
“They’re gonna try to downplay it and actually get to the World Series this year as a team—don’t publish!” said Mariners PR specialist Rod Downes. “We can always move forward with it later if things don’t calm down and the team’s season is fucked anyway, just like that year Mariner Moose and Humpy fought so bad we came out with that ground salmon burger.”
At press time, the marketing department was instead working on team-building food promotions that so far reportedly include skewered Blue Jays.
