To inspire evermore intellectual discourse and transparency about what high-minded topics one of the richest men alive is pondering these days, today Bill Gates released his highly anticipated and completely unredacted Epstein Island Reading List.
- Rich Dad Pedo Dad: Ever wondered what the rich teach their kids about what’s okay to do to other vulnerable poor and middle-class kids because your parents weren’t privileged enough to be baby-eating pedos? Look no further than this book by the all-time master of the craft, Woody Allen.
- Art of Sneaking Anti-biotics Into Your Wife’s Food: While the Art of War was originally written by a man trying to keep himself alive as an irreplaceable military strategist, the author of this book is written by a man trying to keep alive his marriage to a genuinely generous woman—the only reason anyone has ever thought he’s a remotely good person—after probably giving her an STD because he slept with a young, Russian Bridge coach.
- 48 Laws Against Pedophilia That Don’t Apply to You or Your Sicko Friends: People like me and my friends know we’re above the law – but haven’t you ever wondered exactly how many laws we’re above? According to this book, at least as many as this country’s contiguous United States!
- The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck About Anyone but Yourself: If you’re ever struggling as a billionaire to completely abandon your conscience and lean into becoming a total sociopath, this book is for you. Not a billionaire yet? Fake it til you make it by supporting ICE.
- How to Win Friends Convicted of Child Sex Trafficking and Influence People: This book is full of practical tips that not only helped me become friends and enjoy many dinners with Jeffrey Epstein after he was convicted of child sex trafficking, but all his friends who also have dark, bottomless pits for souls. Still comes in handy for me today whenever I need to remember to get dinner and pay off a president who should also be convicted of child sex trafficking.
