Accomplishing what no other green energy advocate has before, this month environmental hero President Donald Trump successfully created so much indefinite economic turmoil in the global oil market that fossil fuels have officially become too expensive worldwide for anyone to keep using them anymore.
“It’s heroic, but also genius, really—he sent the price of fossil fuels so sky-high he’s made every country and company that’s over-relied on them regret doing so,” said economist James Sanderson. “He’s all but forced every serious business interest to instead invest in green energy sources like windmills instead – what a winner!”
American citizens across the political spectrum now don’t want to use fossil fuels either as prices of gas surge toward $5 a gallon and higher.
“President Trump has really shown me how dumb it was to buy this 9-mile a gallon pickup,” said MAGA supporter Ronald Michaels. “At this point, I can’t even afford to fuel a Prius anymore, so I’ve actually been enjoying walking and using public transit more instead, all thanks to legendary environmental activist Donald J. Trump.”
At press time, President Trump had reportedly just been informed his work torching global fossil fuel trade had won him the noble Greenpeace Prize.
