This morning local geoduck legend Whidbey Willy emerged from his cozy beachsand burrow and squirted all over his shadow, predicting six more weeks of wet season in the Pacific Northwest.
“Hear ye! Hear ye! Now on this February 2nd, Whidbey Willy, the siphon of siphons, the prognosticator of all prognosticators, peaked out from the sand’s surface, looked to the skies and squirted profusely all over his shadow, predicting six more weeks of wet season,” said Geoduck Day President Mike Brady as he held up the geoduck before a giant Goretex-clad crowd of Washingtonians. “You saw that right, sea knob gobblers—six more weeks of rain and every dad wearing socks in sandals with a waterproof jacket in the land looking out a window saying, ‘We needed this.’”
Not everyone agreed the area “needed this,” though and they were all transplants.
“Would it kill Whidbey Willy just once to squirt the Geoduck Day President in the eye instead of his shadow?” said local California transplant Lauren Perkins. “I can’t help it—sometimes I just get nostalgic and homesick for more sun and one crazy wildfire after another.”
At press time, Whidbey Willy had summoned all other geoducks on the beach to squirt the crowd away so they could burrow and go back to sleep before someone tries to circumcise them again.
