Movie critics and audiences alike seem to agree that the most anticipated film of 2026 will be a no less than 90-minute supercut of ICE agents slipping and cracking the back of their own empty skulls on ice before running away crying for their mamas.
“Market research is saying that not only will this be the biggest box office hit of the year, but maybe the most rewatched one in history,” said A24 Producer Chloe Banks. “In fact, we’re still trying to peel our screen test audience out of their seats because they keep demanding we replay it on an endless loop.”
Already being called a cinematic masterpiece with buzz for next year’s Golden Globes, one screen test audience member agreed the movie is guaranteed to pack theaters with people who don’t know what else to do right now.
“It’s just one of those heartwarming kinds of films that brings everyone together and reminds us of what makes us all human: Wishing deep, unending, haunting shame, embarrassment and shunning for ICE agents and their supporters until the day they die,” said Deborah Langley, mother of four. “It’s fun for the whole family if you’re lucky enough to have one they haven’t torn apart yet.”
If the movie meets its predicted success, it would unseat Seattle’s local box office ticket sale record holder, Queen Anne Sedan Snow Slam: Electric Car Igaloo.
