A local man reportedly took home first place at an Ugly Sweater Contest today after showing up in what judges described as a “late-stage capitalism tech startup hoodie.”
“Once we saw the logo for the dumbest company name we’ve ever heard and the word ‘disrupt’ stitched across the back, the contest was effectively over,” said contest judge Linda Harmon. “Nothing says ugly like a sweatshirt designed to make burning through investor cash feel innovative.”
Carter Smith of Fremont, who suffers from having a last name as a first name, said he didn’t even realize his friend’s party was doing an Ugly Sweater contest.
“I’ve just been so busy doing whatever Daddy BlackRock asks I didn’t know we were supposed to come in an ugly sweater at all,” said Smith. “Look, I have no idea what the hell our company does—I think we make either microchips or potato chips. What’s so ugly about that?”
Contest judges said the sweatshirt stood out for “successfully communicating nothing while insisting it mattered.”
