Today local dominatrix Madame Payne announced that she’s officially added tracking Seattle mayoral election results to her BDSM repertoire.
“For my clients with a kink for drawn-out psychological torture, at first I was wondering what could ever replace watching Mariners games,” said Payne as she drew up a projection of the latest King County Election results onto a screen in her sex dungeon. “And then, right on time, came a tight electoral race for Seattle mayor between Bruce Harrell and Katie Wilson. Although one’s psyche naturally begs for the immediate gratification of knowing who won the election as soon as possible, that’s not how counting votes works in Washington state—oh no, haha! We’re on Day 4 of counting and it’s still a toss-up that leaves those tracking its results no idea when or if it’s ever going to finish.”
Madame Payne and one of her clients were kind enough to show The Needling how she incorporates tracking election results into her work Friday afternoon.
“You dropped your ballot off at the last minute and you deserve every bit of this punishment, don’t you?” said Madame Payne as she approached a client tied up in a chair and lifted his chin with a punishment stick toward the results of the most recent ballot count. “So you want more votes counted as soon as possible—you’ve waited so long for the euphoria of booting out Bruce Harrell for a mayor who’s actually progressive, haven’t you? Well, wait more for it! That’s right, you just sit there stewing in anxiety wondering what’s going to happen to you and your little Emerald City until 4 p.m. Oh wait! They just updated it early—and … there’s still no way to know who’s going to win! Next ballot drop? Monday afternoon—72 more whole hours. And maybe they won’t even finish then. Tuesday’s a holiday. Might go all the way into Wednesday if Head Mistress Julie Wise feels like it. Maybe even a recount after that—who knows? You certainly don’t, muahahaha.”
When the client expressed slight relief and satisfaction that Katie Wilson’s numbers surged in a promising direction today, he was promptly punished again.
“Wipe that smile off your face–did I say she fucking won? Has anyone said she’s won?” Madame Payne said as she cracked a whip. “Don’t jinx this you little bitch or I’m getting the electric nipple clamps out.”
In the meantime, Madame Payne said she also plans to keep her clients edging on hope by watching ESPN commentators discuss whether or not the Mariners are going to keep Josh Naylor.
