Saying it was high time to create more space to breathe in such a crowded area, this week Amazon unexpectedly funded the total demolition of its East Bezos Ball in Downtown Seattle to make way for more ball room.
“Three balls all bunched up like that has made the area uncomfortable for quite a while now–and way too many people called it Tangletown,” said Amazon spokesperson Ryan Bulger. “This is going to free up more than 9,000 square feet of ballroom for the two remaining spheres to spread on days it gets too hot down here. Although this means the Bezos Balls will no longer officially be polyorchid, we assure you several rare orchids are still being preserved in the other two balls.”
Public reception of the change was a lot warmer than the sudden demolition of the White House’s East Wing this week, which Amazon also helped fund.
“Hey, if it means less manspreading Downtown, I’m all for it,” said Downtown Seattle resident Kelly Myers. “I think we’re all more than well-aware already of how weird and fucked-up Jeff Bezos is without having to look at a statue of his superfluous third ball every day.”
At press time, the demolition crew said the job may take longer than initially expected after a 4th previously undescended ball started to slip out of Amazon’s Day 1 building to take the East Bezos Ball’s place.
