After years of popular demand, today Sound Transit finally opened a public bathroom at its Capitol Hill light rail station located just above its real-time train arrival screens.
“This is a public bathroom pilot program we’re testing first with pigeons and then, if all goes well, we’ll expand the program to humans,” said Sound Transit Jenny Jenkins. “The pigeons of course can only access the bathroom stalls above our LED real-time arrival signs after pressing a button with their beak to buzz a Sound Transit worker for access. For public safety reasons, obviously we can’t be having just any street pigeon defecating in a public bathroom instead of a public sidewalk.”
Sound Transit has long been criticized for not offering public bathrooms at enough of its light rail stations.
“It’s not that some Sound Transit stations will never have bathrooms for humans as well, it’s just that it takes years of careful planning, committee studying, and budgeting to provide such an unprecedented and innovative public amenity,” said Sound Transit CEO Dow Constantine. “You’d be surprised how pricey it is to build a stairwell to piss in.”
At press time, Sound Transit reminded light rail riders of the good news that its escalators can never break, they can only become stairs you can piss on in the meantime.
