Several hours after President Donald Trump pardoned a turkey Tuesday morning, the turkey is reportedly still waiting for Trump to stop wanting to hang out so he can be fully pardoned from the White House premises.
“I don’t know why he’s not just letting me leave,” said Gobble, checking his wingwatch as the sun went down. “Every time I say I gotta fly and think I’m home free, he starts up again talking about his ratings, how he’s so smart the doctors are constantly testing his brain acuity, or asking if he can use his hand to draw me like one of his Epstein girls.”
So far Gobble has tried slow waddling back towards the exit hoping the president would take a hint to no avail.
“I thought getting this death sentence pardon was the hard part but I had no idea how starved this guy is for attention from anyone popular,” Gobble said growing more nervous. “Last week he practically wanted me dead and now he’s telling me he’s never had a son and wearing a burgundy scarf the same color as my wattle.”
At press time, witnesses say Gobble had escaped to the kitchen pleading for busy Thanksgiving feast chefs to take him too.
