Local raccoons came together today to formally request that the public fully give into their autumnal urges this weekend and put out Halloween pumpkins on their porches as soon as possible.
“We know some might say displaying them now is way too early, but we beg with our adorably human-like hands to differ,” said local raccoon Krusty DiGiorno. “When you wait to put them out as close to Halloween as possible, that really cuts down on the amount of time we have to get to them all and leave your porch looking like Cinderella’s carriage got trampled to pieces there after midnight. Also, if any of you are making one of those hilarious pumpkins vomiting their own innards out of their mouths, would it hurt to mix some cat kibble into it? We’re pulling some major all-nighters this next month and we’re going to need the extra energy to eat so much extra food.”
Other raccoons agreed and urged people to put them out even if the weather stays unseasonably warm.
“It actually gives the pumpkins a sweeter, more fermented taste, which is right up our alley,” said Maybelline Mascara. “Don’t worry about them rotting on the porch before Halloween – we’ll get to them way before then so you have enough time to put another one out for us! We know how much you guys love not just the idea of pumpkin carving but definitely the whole process of actually doing it on as many pumpkins as possible.”
At press time the raccoons confirmed carved pumpkins are best but whole pumpkins put out on the porch or growing in Maple Leaf are still festive and delicious.
