Standing firm in its decision to pre-empt Jimmy Kimmel Live! even as ABC agreed to air the show again, Seattle TV station KOMO confirmed today that it would instead air an hour of Sinclair CEO Christopher Ripley sucking off President Donald Trump.
“If Jimmy Kimmel won’t get on his knees and give the president the happy ending he deserves, I will,” said Ripley while trying on knee pads at Dick’s. “That’s why tonight at 11:35 we’ll instead be airing a far more patriotic hour of me taking my sweet time giving Daddy Trump a blow job so slow and sensual that he and any other corporation I have in mind will automatically merger with me as one. It’s what Charlie would have done.”
Asked what Sinclair plans to air beyond Tuesday, Ripley said there are many more people excited to go down on the president on live television.
“Between everyone competing in his administration to not be fired, every corporate executive hoping to win a real monopoly, and everyone on the Epstein list, I don’t think we’re gonna run out of people to slob the Commander in Chief’s knob,” Ripley said. “And none of it is gonna be that shy Clinton-era under the desk shit—he’s gonna be reclined right out in the open on an Oval Office couch while that cuck JD watches.”
At press time, excited rumors were flying on Truth Social that if Ripley is too inexperienced in exactly how to get Trump to finish tonight, there may be surprise cameos from Mark Zuckerberg, Tim Cook and Bill Gates.
