Expanding on the popularity of the city’s “Find It, Fix It” app that sends city crews to fix problems citizens spot and report, today Seattle launched a spinoff “Find Him, Fix Him” app that sends in women who should know better to fix its most defective men.
“The ‘Find Him, Fix Him’ app makes reporting an issue as easy as snapping a photo with your smartphone, adding the number of red flags for the man in question, and hitting submit,” said Seattle Public Utilities spokesperson Natalie Fields. “When you’re in your neighborhood and see a bro, a jabroni, or a fan of Jared Leto, the Find Him, Fix Him app gives you an easy way to notify us so a woman avoiding fully doing the work on herself can happily get to work on someone else instead.”
For men with three or more red flags, the city advises residents to take their picture and then leave the area before making their report.
“We appreciate the enthusiasm, but leave the handling of these men to experts like me,” said recently single Carol White. “It’s okay, I think he’s just an avoidant, not an actual sociopath as reported—but there’s only one way to find out: Heyyy, buddy, your ex was crazy wasn’t she? Tell me all about it, and then pick me! Pick me! I can fix you (no really I can)!”
While most people are receptive to the new app, some have found it lacking.
“There should be a way to report women, too!” complained Bellevue resident Chris Norman, who had recently been reported himself for being from Bellevue.
Developers of Find Him, Fix Him add that while the app defaults to “Chris,” the latest update has added several other names to the drop-down menu including “Matt” and “Jess.”
