Jealous of the attention homerun record-breaking Mariners player “Big Dumper” Cal Raleigh has gotten lately, today the Dave Matthews Band Tour Bus clogged the Columbia Gorge to remind everyone in the Pacific Northwest who the real “Big Dumper” is in these parts.
“800 pounds of waste dumped straight onto a Chicago River open-top sightseeing tour boat in 2004 – anyone forget? Well, just in case you did,” said Dave Matthews as he unloaded a waterfall of waste from his band’s tour bus into the Columbia River. “Pretty dam sure you won’t now. You cannot quit me so quickly.”
Attendees of the band’s annual Labor Day Weekend shows at The Gorge concert venue hadn’t forgotten but were thoroughly overjoyed to be reminded as the smell wafted north over all of central Washington.
“Although I would have killed to be one of the Columbia River kayakers he pooped on today, holy shit, smelling it live is an amazing consolation prize,” said DMB superfan Ken Wilkins. “Big as his dump truck is, Cal Raleigh could never. Dave Matthews is truly the Pacific Northwest’s one and only Big Dumper.”
At press time, the battle for the title was far from over after Raleigh dumped enough homers into the dam to break it and rescued five kayakers using his Big Dumper as a flotation device.
