After countless videos of the terrorists in ICE refusing to unmask and identify themselves while banishing 4 year old cancer patients from hard working immigrant communities, new reports show they only reveal their grotesque, malformed faces to toccata and fugue in opera houses.
“Some people have faces only mothers can love, and then there’s us,” says director of ICE Todd Lyons. “If we jumped out those Penske trucks with our ghoul faces and snaggledy teeth and bulging eyes and stringy hair, people would have heart attacks before we could deny their human rights. The masks must stay on. Do you think you would be cool with a herd of overweight Gollums cosplaying as The Expendables clown-carring out of the same van you rented last week to haul a dirty mattress to the dump?”
Lyons did confirm the opera house exception, however.
“My boys just feel at home around pipe organs,” Lyons admits. “The darkness and the drama embraces them like their parents never did. There’s something about the Gothic Romance of a symphony space that speaks to their twisted, gargoyle brains.”
Lyons shared that other ICE agents find solace in bell towers, crypts, castle dungeons, secret laboratories, and Dave & Busters.
ICE: The Musical debuts on Broadway later this fall.
