The Ballard Locks issued an official apology today for a social media post inviting the community to come and celebrate “Locktober” with them this month.
“We’re so sorry—this has all been a huge misunderstanding,” said Ballard Locks keyholder Sam Patrickson with a deep sigh as yet another couple wandered towards the Locks proudly wearing chastity belts. “We were completely unaware Locktober was a whole thing in the BDSM/kink community and had no intention of drawing crowds of people obviously wearing chastity belts and cock locks – not that there’s anything wrong with that!”
Patrickson specifically apologized to kink community members who assumed that, due to the government shut-down, the Army Corps of Engineers had literally locked the Ballard Locks and local salmon down for Locktober.
“That’s a completely understandable assumption even though we are in fact still open for salmon spawning season,” Patrickson said. “The fish ladder the salmon have to fight through is kind of kinky though if you think about it: Until they successfully swim through, everything you see in our viewing room is technically ejaculation denial.”
At press time, TikTok fitness bros still “locking in” for #Locktober had not apologized for anything because they reportedly have even less of a clue.
