Today Mayor Bruce Harrell attempted to bribe a Seattle Times reporter with a bag of Tim’s potato chips so local media would finally stop calling him the “Cuomo of Seattle.”
“I can’t take it anymore—I’d rather be anything else, even the Eric Adams of Seattle. Now take this bag of Tim’s and tell everyone I’d totally give Diddy a key to the city too,” said Mayor Harrell, who’s been constantly compared to Andrew Cuomo ever since losing the mayoral primary to progressive underdog Katie Wilson, “the next Mamdani.” “How much more do I have to love the cops and expansion of the surveillance state to be Eric Adams—be a literal cop like he was? Come on! I know I don’t have a corrupt thing going on with Turkish Airlines yet, but, believe me, I’m working on it with Alaska.”
Seattle Times reporter David Kroman rejected the offer in the opened potato chip bag and immediately reported it to his editors.
“Not only did the opened bag not even have any cash in it, but the few potato chips left in it were Honey BBQ instead of the far superior Salt & Vinegar,” said Kroman. “I personally would have preferred and found more on-brand a bag of Dick’s. Either way, reporters aren’t allowed to accept goods or favors, not even five stale potato chips. For that sort of thing, you have to go straight to our publisher Frank Blethen.”
Harrell’s “Eric Adams of Seattle” stuck for only a few hours before his threat to defund the city ethics department investigating his attempted bribe reverted him right back to the “Cuomo of Seattle.”
