In a show of incredible sex worker solidarity, tonight one selfless feminist ally tipped a stripper with all four of his $25 Seattle democracy vouchers.
“I’m not just any feminist ally—I’m a cool feminist ally who wants you to have more of a say in who runs this city than I do,” said Chris Matterson as he slipped $100 in democracy vouchers into a twerking stripper’s thong. “Sex work is work and so is getting people elected who agree with that statement. And what’s even more work is figuring out how to use these vouchers—but if anyone can figure it out, I know it’s someone who just did an Olympic gymnastics routine right in front of me almost naked and in six-inch heels. That’s how you know I don’t just love women—I respect and look up to them, especially when they take their bras off on stage.”
Far from being impressed, stripper Kelsey Beale rolled her eyes in the dressing room as she removed yet another batch of democracy vouchers from so-called feminist ally customers.
“If he was a real feminist ally, he’d know you can’t transfer your democracy vouchers to anyone and would have already given them to City Attorney Candidate Erika Evans or citywide Seattle City Council seat candidate Dionne Foster,” said Beale, with a huff. “He’d have wanted to give them to Seattle’s Mamdani, progressive mayoral candidate Katie Wilson too but would have also known she already maxed out on how many democracy vouchers she can take, so instead would have donated to her PAC, Seattle for Katie, so she financially stands a chance against all the late-campaign donations Mayor Bruce Harrell is getting from rich Eastsiders and real estate companies.”
At press time, Kelsey was barely making it through the night serving a customer who was also sure he was a feminist ally for supporting the re-election of Trump-supporting Republican Seattle City Attorney Ann Davison.
