After the Mariners triumphantly broke a 24-year division title drought Wednesday night, Seattle M’s fans confessed they’re still highly skeptical that they have a chance at being AL West champions this year.
“I mean, sure, I saw Cal Raleigh hit two homers that make him only one of seven baseball players to ever hit 60 homers in a season with my own two eyes—clearly the kind of MVP that’ll get you a division title for the first time since 2001. And the MLB and ESPN say it’s official but …,” said lifelong Mariners fan Steve Hayes with a sigh. “But I’ve heard there’s actually still a .006% chance of everyone on the team being struck down by lightning, a .0012% chance of suddenly becoming shark chum, and—even more worrisome—a 3.5% chance of being taken care of “the hard way” by the FCC. So, I don’t know if it’s time for us to get our hopes up about being division champs just yet.”
While most major league analysts tried to assure Mariners fans they had really, actually, finally won the AL West, many M’s fans remained unconvinced.
“You guys, I swear on the Moose’s life, we finally did it! What’s it gonna take to get you guys to believe us?” said Mariners spokesperson Melody Chase. “We’re selling AL West champ shirts that say ‘Look, Ma! Playoffs with No Wildcard Games!’ What if we hang a banner in right field that says ‘2025 Playoff Participants’ or is that still too hard to believe since this is only the second time that’s happened since 2001?”
At press time, most Mariners fans said they were also still highly suspicious that Victor Robles really even made that game-winning catch against the Astros.
