Sources are reporting that your dad—who currently lives in an area where severe weather events put trees into the side of buildings and then relocate those buildings across postal codes—is worried about the “Big One” and thinks you should move back to Tornado Alley.
“You’re rolling the dice out there,” said your father, who once saw the summer sky turn black and heard the sounds of wind and people unite into one anguished howl. “I just think you should just take a look at this new place down the street on Zillow that replaced the one your childhood friend’s family lost in The Reckoning a few years ago, that’s all I’m saying.”
Your mother, whose Nebraska hometown was once flattened by a twister that left it looking like something from a Ken Burns WW2 documentary, echoed his concern.
“Do you ever worry about that tidal wave that comes after the quake?” she asked. “We caught the end of San Andreas on Thursday. The Rock is really something. There’s a tsunami that comes in and gets everybody the earthquake didn’t. It makes you think. You can’t really count on The Rock just coming along and saving you. With a twister out here though, we’ll always have Bill Paxton.”
At press time, your parents were unfortunately watching Volcano to take their minds off Tuesday’s expected Rapture.
