Moments after the City of Seattle installed a fence with plastic sheets in response to a court order designed to protect millionaires from seeing naked queer people, Denny Blaine resident Stuart Sloan was already installing a periscope so someone was still keeping an eye on them.
“Don’t get me wrong: I’m glad the city had to install a hideous wall that destroys the beauty of Denny Blaine Park so my neighbors and I don’t have to be exposed to boobies, butts and weiners from our mansions, which we were previously absolutely forced to do,” said Sloan as he had contractors build the periscope that stretches from the fence to his bedroom a half mile away. “In the name of public safety, I want to still be able to send concerned texts with photos of inappropriate behavior and nudity to my strongest ally, Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell.”
Harrell celebrated Sloan for continuing to monitor nudity at Denny-Blaine.
“I know I shouldn’t say this because clearly the majority of Seattle voters are sick of my cozy relationships with powerful wealthy residents like my fellow nevernude bud Stuart, but that guy is an absolute genius for installing a periscope,” said Harrell. “I was a little concerned with how Stuart was going to keep sending me nude photos of beach goers after we installed that eyesore of a fence, but now I will have hours of naked entertainment to enjoy after the voters kick me out of office.”
At press time, Sloan was spotted wiping off what looked like white seagull poop off his periscope lens.
