Although President Donald Trump made good today on his threat to take over the Seattle Police Department, the city did not immediately appear to notice any difference.
“I thought feds already took control of our shitty police department 13 years ago because of its too often lethal racism – the federal consent decree thing?” said Seattle resident Mike Loxsmith. “Our police department had the most officers present in D.C. on Jan. 6 of any department in the nation and several of them are still on staff. How were we supposed to know the difference?”
A group of friends casually eating ice cream on Capitol Hill said they also had no idea.
“Last time I checked, our police department has been convinced this area never stopped being a supposed war zone so, I really just couldn’t register that anything had escalated,” said Sara Pinkney, shrugging with a giant ice cream cone in-hand. “As far as I can tell, they’re bullying queer people at the same rates they always have and it’s seemed like same ol’ same ol’ over here – sorry, I just didn’t notice!”
At press time, President Trump’s new tactic for getting a rise of Seattle was threatening it with ending SPD’s 13 years of federal oversight.
