Before completely bleeding out from someone shooting him at Utah Valley University today, conservative 2nd Amendment activist Charlie Kirk assured his loyal fans that everyone in this country having access to guns no matter how nuts they may be was “unfortunately worth it.”
“I say it every time there’s a mass shooting and I’ll say it again before I lose consciousness here: People having guns in this country no matter their record of mental illness, abusing others or crimes committed is unfortunately worth it,” said Kirk as he somehow grew even paler. “The most American thing I can think of is the right to buy and use guns as impulsively as you wish and unfortunately that doesn’t work out so well for hundreds of elementary school students and now somehow me—I should have known better than stepping onto a school campus.”
Asked if he really would think it’s not worth it to seek better gun control laws in the nation to prevent children or people like himself from getting shot, Kirk stuck to his guns.
“Iiiiii think it’s worth to have a cost of, unfortunately, some gun deaths every single year so that we can have the Second Amendment to protect our other God-given rights,” Kirk slurred as he stared into the light. “Thaaaaat is a pruuuuudent deal. It is rational. Nobody talks like this. They live in a complete alternate universe. Grandma?”
At press time, Kirk was reportedly going to be replaced on the Charlie Kirk Show by Eric Cartman.
