A local newsreader’s potential panic attack over the implication of a Seattle Times headline was swiftly averted today by a fast-acting paywall.
“I felt myself spiraling and then, like splash of cold sanity-saving water, that ‘Get 4 weeks of unlimited digital access for $1’ paywall pop-up came on the screen and rescued me,” said Laura Norbert with a deep sigh of relief. “See, this is why I love reading The Seattle Times, and by reading The Seattle Times, I mean just reading their headlines—I can’t ever quite psychologically or financially afford to read more than that.”
Local UW health expert Dr. Vinny Ankar said that as people are increasingly becoming poisoned by what’s in their news diet, paywalls are becoming more essential.
“Paywalls act as a sort of anti-venom for knowing too much about too many sad things,” said Dr. Ankar. “Ideally the paywall is applied as soon as possible to prevent any further news from reaching one’s heart.”
While endless obstacles of ad pop ups also help prevent people from knowing more scary details about things that freak them out, Dr. Ankar said paywalls really are the gold standard.
“At the end of the day, nothing will make you stop caring about reading further than the headline better than having to get your credit card out.”
