While they remained skeptical of vaccines that have been studied and heavily regulated for years after being created by teams of scientists and doctors who spent more than a decade in college, today Terry and Sheri Malborn said they have full confidence in the safety of rides assembled by community college dropouts at the Washington State Fair in Puyallup.
“All year long, we do the hard but noble work of telling people that vaccines and cell phones caused all these autisms,” said Sheri. “It’s draining, living with all that fear, so we look forward all year to when we’re able to come to the fair and just enjoy the safety of rides that almost certainly have a majority of the important bits still fastened.”
While experts point out that amusement park and fair rides hold vastly higher incidents of fatalities than vaccines, critics including the Malborns counter that experts are dumb.
“None of that fancy quack bullshit from people like Fauci or my dentist,” said Terry as he prepared to board a 130-foot tall pile of soon-to-be scrap metal fastened together by grossly underpaid laborers over the course of the six preceding hours. “Here at the fair, you can just relax, enjoy life, and maybe meet a horse that uses the same brand of ivermectin as yourself.”
At press time, the couple that makes sure they also never consume food dyes was headed over to the food stands for some fried butter, hot dogs and bright pink and blue cotton candy.
