Today a man who lives under Interstate 5 confessed he didn’t understand all the sudden buzz about hot rat summers he’s been having for years now.
“So you guys are just catching on?” said Phil Herbert as he scratched behind the ear of his favorite feral rat. “Besides the obvious passage of disease they carry, they are more sweet than most people give them credit for—you can keep your plushies: I’ve got Toofy here.”
Herbert said he was mostly concerned hearing everyone was also worshipping some new deity named St. Rat.
“Is this another religion I have to act like I want to join in order to get life-saving services?” Herbert said. “I mean, I’ll do it or whatever – can you tell me what his favorite cheese is in case one of the St. Rat missionaries head this way?”
At press time, Herbert was reportedly immediately converted to the church of St. Rat upon hearing that just one week between two campaign mailers, Mayor Bruce Harrell’s prayers to him miraculously increased emergency housing in Seattle by a 1,000 units.
