Due to state budget cuts mandated by Gov. Bob Ferguson, today Washington State Ferries announced passengers of its aging and maintenance-prone fleet will now need to swim the last 30 feet to shore.
“Where else in the country can nurses, teachers, and working people of all stripes spend time wading through a vibrant tidal ecosystem on their daily commute?” said WSDOT Public Communications Officer Ken Gustafsson. “Come winter, we also expect to see a reduction in fistfights breaking out in the ferry lines with some of that negative energy being channeled into fighting hypothermia instead.”
Community response remains mixed as commuters adjust to the new policy.
“I used to think the seagulls on deck were annoying, but the same eel has stolen my morning coffee twice this week,” said Port Orchard-based nurse Eden Appleton as she flicked an errant starfish from a set of waterlogged scrubs. “But I get why it’s necessary. Those tax breaks for Boeing are part of our culture and sometimes human sacrifices must be made to protect shareholder value.”
At press time, Sen. Maria Cantwell assured constituents that if she ever stops giving Israeli Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu billions of their federal tax dollars without condition, she’ll do whatever she can to help.
