After the perennial, 25-time candidate was suddenly nowhere to be seen on this year’s primary ballot, today Goodspaceguy confirmed he is retiring and has officially named Greatspacegal successor to his local intergalactic failed political campaign empire.
“It’s been the honor of a lifetime to fight for expanded space exploration and alien discovery as a member of the Republican, Libertarian, Democrat and Lizardpeople parties, but it’s time to pass the blowtorch I’ve been building my own space rocket with all these years to Greatspacegal,” said Goodspaceguy in a statement written in a fat black Sharpie and found duct-taped on a King County Elections Center door this morning. “I have no doubt that she will carry on my tradition of having such a fun-sounding name that thousands of people never look far enough into our political views to discover we call poor people losers and support Donald Trump.”
Reached for comment, Greatspacegal said she takes the responsibility of garnering way more votes than you’d think from people who either also think Zoltran must be found on Mars or are too jaded to ever take elections seriously.
“I look forward to getting dangerously close to qualifying for the November general election ballot for the King County Executive race because no one knows what that is and my name is fun and fuck minimum wage it must be completely abolished,” said Greatspacegal, as she adjusted her new tin foil crown. “As Zoltran has long told us, if Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn don’t need living wages, neither do we.”
At press time, several voters who love writing in odd candidates’ names more than taking 20 minutes to research who will clearly make life more affordable for everyone in Seattle and beyond were finally inspired to fill out their August 5 primary ballots at the last minute.
