Blowing millions of dollars on a military parade on the president’s birthday was a dumb waste of money according to one local man who said he can’t wait to shift his focus to better things like Seattle’s Seafair.
“Think of all the way more important things that money could have been spent on at a time like this,” said Ron Benson, who can’t wait to attend the annual summer-long celebration of U.S. military might in the sea and sky that began in 1951 to celebrate Seattle’s 100th birthday. “It’s just so expensive, unnecessary, self-absorbed and absolutely nuts.”
After witnessing the pathetic squeaking of army tanks around empty streets in Washington D.C. this past weekend, Benson said he can’t wait to turn his attention to more wholesome community events around Washington state this summer like Fleet Week and 4-5 straight days of Blue Angel flyovers in addition to several other demonstrations of what the U.S. military can do in the sky and sea across the globe.
“No kings, no queens,” said Benson, who is absolutely delighted that this year’s Seafair King and Queen are KOMO’s Seattle Is Dying host Eric Johnson and former Seattle Police Department Chief and current Microsoft Director of Global Security Carmen Best. “As a Seattle liberal, I will do everything I can to fight the rise of fascism, and I did exactly that already by walking with a little sign around the city this last weekend. With that taken care of, I can’t wait to spend entire days this summer looking at military planes and ships.”
At press time, the Seafair Pirates agreed military parades are dumb, only pirate parades are cool, and that they can’t wait to take control of the city back from King Eric Johnson, Queen Carmen Best and Mayor Bruce Harrell as they raise money for charity, not the military.
