This week a local J-Pod orca tired of complaining about how many people keep staring and watching his every move decided to monetize his unshakeable fandom by launching OnlyFins.
“Starting today, subscribers to my OnlyFins account will get access to all the breaches they can handle for only 10 chinook salmon a month,” said the orca, whose OnlyFins name is Blackberry. “For my very special fans, my chat is open: Tip me 20 chinook salmon and I’ll show you what this thick, glistening black dorsal fin can really do!”
Marine biologists were surprised by this new behavior but celebrated the resourcefulness of Blackberry.
“While I am not aware of other orcas launching OnlyFins accounts, who am I to judge?” explained Dr. Beverly Gravely from the Orca Conservancy. “Access to chinook salmon is increasingly difficult in this challenging environment, so who can blame him from cashing in on his huge fan base hungry to see his blowhole?”
At press time, Blackberry’s OnlyFins account was so popular, K-Pod member Lobo negotiated a collab with Blackberry for whale watchers eager to see two male orcas tail slapping.
