Seattle residents were stopped dead in their tracks this afternoon as the Fremont Bridge debuted a new summer look that features a complete laser troll removal.
“I’m just so happy that I don’t have to be self-conscious anymore,” said the Bridge. “I can finally throw all my coverups away, just let the sun shine down under, and let the world see the new, sexy, troll-free me!”
Unfortunately, not everyone is as excited about looking under a troll-free bridge.
“I have absolutely no reason to visit Fremont now,” said Stan Gunderson, president of the Trolly Boys, an organization of middle-aged men that collect troll dolls. “I respect the bridge’s right to their own idea of feeling sexy, but if you ask me, that bridge was perfect 10 before. Now, it’s barely a 3… And, I’m the kind of guy that likes bridges of all shapes and sizes.”
As this situation develops, it is important to note that in some rare cases, trolls have been able to grow back after the laser removal procedure so if troll free is your jam, it’s time to head on down and enjoy it while it lasts.
