This week the Ballard Farmers Market officially transitioned to a “vibes only” model with all the same artisan chowders, moffett berry jams, and soy-free dog biscuits but only provided for the ambiance—no purchases necessary or even permitted.
“We’ve accepted that actual purchase of the goods on offer is beside the point,” said the market’s director, Mike Rofleece. “People come here to take their new Birkenstocks for a maiden voyage against an Instagrammable background, ponder some pickled daikon, and then go get a matcha latte at Miro Tea they can actually get any day of the week.”
The market said that the following types of vendors will be permitted to keep displaying their wares: folksy bakers with hand-drawn logos, identical couples selling esoteric types of honey, very old men dressed entirely in leather, nonbinary cheesemongers with knit caps rolled up over their ears, and fruit salesmen with a “Luke Danes” thing going on.
“We’re trying to create a Ballard Farmers Market that meets the needs of the community: the need to have somewhere aesthetically pleasing to wear your cute sunglasses or take your aussiedoodle somewhere to start conversation with other girls in cute sunglasses,” newly appointed Vibe Director Giselle Gingham explained. “Maybe even a place to take your parents visiting from the Midwest so that they’ll stop asking when you’re moving back to Saginaw for a few minutes while they look at some hickory cutting boards shaped like a frog.”
Customers caught not contributing sufficiently to the vibe will be banned for life and asked to forfeit any Carhartt-brand items they have brought onto the premises.
