Once again, Amazon has cut prices down to size with their popular Prime Day sale featuring deals on items shoppers love, including products designed to deal with male-pattern baldness in the ruling class.
“Billionaire hair loss treatments are a hot item this year guaranteed to give even the baldest of bastards the closest of shaves,” said Consumer Reports analyst Antwon Marie. “There’s no better way to feel like bloody royalty than revolutionizing hair care with our array of vintage options imported straight from France.”
But hair loss is not the only billionaire treatment on sale this Prime Day.
“Since they recategorized windows as ‘Defenestration Machines,’ sales have more than tripled, particularly in Russian territories for some reason,” Marie said. “Pitchforks have proven popular, as have pitch-spoons and pitch-knives in the ‘Eat the Rich’ flatware set. Shoppers have also been spending on Molotov cocktail shakers, hammers, sickles, and—for the children—Lego’s new Black Blocs.”
Business watchdogs note that the Prime Day prices are so good, Amazon may prevent mom and pop anti-fascist retailers from ever being in the crosshairs of their own products.
