Despite years of citing severe staffing shortages as the reason Seattle police can’t respond fast enough or at all to many serious crimes, today Mayor Bruce Harrell assured Seattle residents that there’s always enough cops around to harass the city’s queer community.
“Can our police respond to every domestic violence call? No. Can they respond to the scene of every shooting with a victim 5 minutes away in less than 20 minutes? Also, no,” said Mayor Harrell. “But I give you my word that there will always suddenly be a phalanx of cops available and quickly on-hand any time a queer person is legally naked at a public longtime nude beach, exercising their First Amendment rights at a public park named after a gay legislator in the middle of a gay neighborhood, or asserting they have just as much a right to be at Seattle City Hall as any right-wing, religious nut-job does. Men baring nipples at a gay club? We always have enough cops to shut that shit down too.”
Mayor Harrell went on to describe how well the city’s short-staffed police department is strategically prioritizing the most serious crime in the city: Being queer, especially if you’re trans.
“Is it sad that we won’t even respond at all to a 911 call that a man is choking a woman? Sure!” Harrell said. “But sometimes our officers just need to prioritize responding to more dangerous crimes like identifying as a woman after previously identifying as a man. That’s scary stuff. As for people being assaulted and stuff, don’t worry: I wore denim on Denim Day to support sexual assault survivors! Now excuse me, I’m getting dinner with my dear friend Ed Murray.”
At press time, Seattle City Councilmember Mark Solomon was just wondering if all this meant uniformed Seattle Police Department officers still aren’t invited to Seattle Pride.
“Church and State” Photo by Derek Simeone CC BY 2.0
